When you think about a relationship, what comes to mind? Well, in-order to define this properly, one would have to know in what context it is being asked and then thought of. As a general term, ‘relationship’ really defines the way in which things are connected… okay, so the question then becomes, how do you connect to someone, or better yet, why are you connected to people in a way that ignites attraction and ultimately attachment. We’ve previously explored humans in a scientific manner in my previous article, “Love in Translation | Part I – To Brain, with Love:”, so let’s get away from that and look at what makes you connected to your significant other at this very moment, non-scientifically? What was it, about them, that made you say ‘yes’ whether to the first date, the next date, the engagement, the marriage?
Well, throughout the interviews that were had, an touching, yet similar characteristic developed:
Trust: By definition, a firm belief in the reliability of someone/something.
As being somewhat of a tent pole to a relationship, trusting someone seems to be something that most people cannot live without. Again, we are going to try and stay away from the science, just for this section, and focus on people and the anecdotal accounts.
*Please note: This sample is not a representation of the population. The following, are from individuals that were willing participants, who availed themselves on the given day of the interview process.
Author’s note: After having several interviews, this section become very lengthy, to where the section developed more to a study, rather than an article submission. For the purposes of the article, we will take the account of one individual. This individual was chosen due to their view on romantic relationships and the arousing detail that emerged from our interview.
Marital Status: Single
Age: Mid 40’s
Dependents: 1 (f)
Let’s simplify this: love just happens, it’s not something that you choose, rather it chooses you. It’s the excitement for the possibility for what is to come. Sharing life with someone, helping them be a better person and them making you a better person, is what partnership is about. Becoming friends with someone, having varying expectations, as your connecting progresses, is natural, but needs to remain realistic. To me, I truly feel that if I can have fun with someone, I am on the way to building a connection with them. When I say having fun, I mainly mean, if someone is able to get me to lower my guard, accept them for who they are, and they treat me in a way that makes me feel comfortable, where I can laugh, feel joy, and overall butterflies, then I find myself in a state of having fun. Spending time with someone, or wanting to spend more time with them, learning about them and who they are – what makes them who they are (and them learning who I am) is exciting. With the person I want to progress through life with, good communication is a necessity, period. Love, overall, is respect and communication. I look at it as: even if you have an argument, if you have respect for the other person and communicate well, then you can overcome what it is that you are having trouble with, in that moment.
I also feel love should not be bound to gender. The feeling I get from someone, the magnetism, is what I go by. I feel that people should forget what society dictates is right for them, and follow their heart. And I truly mean that. I’ve found that, in my life, when I enter into a relationship or continue and progress in one, sometimes I have to turn off my brain, and just go with my heart. When I found myself with a woman, for the first time, I didn’t let my brain take over my heart. When I just let myself go, that was the turning point. If I would have listened to what other’s wanted for me, I would have missed out on my experiences. But that is the thing. I don’t subscribe myself to just liking women, or just liking men. I like the person, regardless of their sex. Why I see people this way, I’m not sure… I just do. The magnetism I spoke about, previously, my heart makes the decision for me, and I’m okay with that. Because, ultimately when you speak about love, and you give all of the characteristics that are attributed to that person, it’s not that they are a man or woman, it’s that they are a good person to you…for you.
Ultimately, if you are able to stick to your morals and personal values, then be free to love who you love – how you love them.
And when it comes to my child, I’ve always wanted a child, someone that would have my genetics, whom I could watch the way my mother watched me. Knowing everything that I had been through in my life, I knew I could raise a child on my own, without the need of a significant other. Now, most people look at my situation as being single, with a child and assume that this position in one that is not ideal. Truthfully, this is exactly how it was supposed to happen. My child is not a byproduct of a one night stand, nor is she from a failed marriage or relationship. She was conceived and birthed in love, from someone that saw my dream of motherhood and offered an unbelievably loving gesture.
The kind of love, I find myself in now, has altered a bit, but is still rooted in the same feeling, but towards a child. Actually, that love is something that is truly hard to explain… it’s one that, as I am thinking about it, brings me to tears… To say you would give your life for another person, that is the type of love I have in my life, now. Seriously, let that settle in… unconditional, life altering love for another human being… one that is a part of me… that still brings wonder to my mind. It’s funny though… I feel you want the same from your partner, of course it’s going to be different, but ultimately you want that unconditional love from a partnering relationship as well.
Part III: What’s love, really, got to do with it?